The lesbian fantasy, blah blah.

So it seems that I am pretty hung up about this topic of feminism right now. And if I were still seeing this person from my past, he would probably say that this is "my current favourite topic.. and the only thing I ever talk about". Which probably won't be very far from the truth.

But this is the truth: Women have so much to live up to nowadays.

Not only do we have to want to be successful, and to look good while doing "womanly" things (or look "womanly" doing "non-womanly" things such as bodybuilding) we also have to be subjects of judgement from men, and other women too! Now, they have to "fake it" to be desirable to men? Oh, come on!

Previously I said that I will talk about the fantasy (and double standard mention in Jessica Valenti's book) about the lesbian fantasy, and how it is acceptable for guys to have a "fetish" for girl-on-girl action (only if both of them are hot, of course), but when it comes to gays, it's all CRINGE and GROSS.

I am going to try to start this with what I think is the reason for this. One word: Porn.

Or, pornography, if you prefer.
Pornography has made it okay, and arguably acceptable for them to have all these strange fantasies (though you could argue that it is a fantasy) but the part that irks, and bothers me is the representation of women, and of true lesbians.

I am not saying that these porn stars aren't true lesbians (they might be!). But this very act of hamming it up for the camera creates a rather saddening and dangerous trend that affects all other women too.

Recently, I was taken slightly back when one of the guys I used to go out with told me that he saw two girls kissing on the train, and he found it "hot". In my head the first thing I thought of was: What if it was two guys kissing? Would it still be hot?

The answer would, sadly, most likely be no.

And thankfully, I am no longer associated with that guy too, but I digress.
While hot lesbians (who look like heterosexual females putting on a show)are OK, gay guys, no matter how hot, are not. Think Broke back mountain jokes, and all other gay-centric jokes.

The worse thing is, I know more than one person with a hot lesbian fantasy. These guys assume that these lesbians would want to 'get it on' with them too. And they would like to be part of the action. (Yes, they imagine themselves in bed with lesbians..)

But what they probably don't realise is that, the real life lesbians are probably not a lot like those they imagine(I heard there is a terms for these type of "hot lesbians" called lipstick lesbians.. I'll get to that in a bit).

I hate to be the one to break it to you, guys, but if they're lesbians, what makes you think they'll be interested in having any sort of action with you in the first place? Did it not occur to you that they are lesbians?

I mentioned 'lipstick lesbians' earlier, and this is from wikipedia (I know I know, but it makes my point):

"...Lipstick lesbian is a slang term used to describe lesbian and bisexual women who exhibit feminine gender attributes, such as wearing make-up (thus, lipstick), wearing dresses or skirts and perhaps having other characteristics associated with feminine women.

In mainstream American films, lesbians are often portrayed according to the lipstick lesbian stereotype to be more sexually attractive to male viewers... Most female same-sex sex scenes in mainstream pornography are also portrayed in this way."

Wait wait.. Let's see that again:

"In mainstream American films, lesbians are often portrayed according to the lipstick lesbian stereotype to be more sexually attractive to male viewers"

What what.. WHAT? Making lesbians more sexually attractive to male viewers? What is up with that? And the whole point being what? That lesbians are females too, and therefore all things female, or at least, all things with vaginas belong to men?

Come on guys, you'd know better than that (I hope).

When we are not seeing straight, and when the world is viewed through the male-gaze (even if you are a woman), there really is something wrong.

I do get upset when women have to resort to being over-sexual, or desperately try to play out to every fantasy a guy might have.

So I say, if you are one of those with a "HLB" (hot lesbian fantasy), yet at the same time, cringe when you are see butches (yes! They exist! And they are REAL!) and other types of lesbians (unlike those in pornos and TV and in your fantasies), then please wake up.

Perhaps we all want to feel wanted, even by those who, in reality, do not desire us, thus we keep them in a certain light, and play up these fantasies to keep women in their place.. (to always want to be desirable to men).

There is so much more to talk about but then, if I did, I might never end!

So if you know someone who displays the double standard (lesbians ok/ gays nay) and you are sick of it, let them know! It is ok to be annoyed.. I very much am!

And if you are one of those with the fantasy, then maybe you should be more aware of the realities, and that porno is not real life. I know you know that. But I'm just saying.

Everyone is entitled to their fantasies, of course, I just won't let it go if this fantasy is unjust towards your treatment or view of either gender.

This is not a post about lesbianism, as that topic itself is so broad and there are so many aspects to be covered.. If I ever do. I do hope your view of the lesbian fantasy is a bit less hazy now, and that you do know that it is an image conjured by men for other men, with women's sexuality as a tool.

I will talk about the male-gaze and how it has affected me, personally, in my next post.

Till then, have a good day!