Holiday time!

Dear all,

The holidays are upon us once again. And this holiday, I am looking forward to start.... ballet lessons!

It's been awhile since I've tried something new, and I'm looking forward to finally being able to fulfill one of my childhood dreams. I shall update you on. My progress and trials as an adult learner. I don't have much background in dance, and I'm not as flexible as I used to be.

I took recreational contemporary dance for about a year and a half till my teacher went back to Australia, and the studio didn't seem to care very much for me so I left. It was quite a pity because I was beginning to see progress and I enjoyed myself quite a bit.

So here's to a new beginning! My bf and I have begun trying to get fit again, to get into a workout routine and have some training sessions together so we will be prepared to climb the mountain in December. Yep! I'll keep you posted on that too.

An exciting few months to test my physical endurance... Time to rest though. So very tired after the lovely fish n co. dinner earlier.....

Have a good workout week!

Love,
Sarah

Color Pencils

So I eventually caved in and bought Prismacolors because I have seen what they can do, and I read how wonderful they are. I used to used Faber Castell color pencils (the kind you can just get at Popular bookstore for really cheap) because I have always believed that well. As cliche as it sounds, it's the artist that matters more than the tools he uses.

But hey, this was when I had the money to splurge. In the end, I got these off Amazon:

Drawing Portraits: pencil

A long time ago (ok, that was about two months ago), I told myself that I want to start drawing portraits again. Not that I was good to begin with, but I do need to start somewhere.

In need of inspiration, I asked some of my family members for some suggestions on who to draw. And I got a request for Harry Judd from Mcfly by my 3rd sister, a request for Captain America from BG, and a Benedict Cumberbatch from my bf. Inspired, and also not wanting to let anyone down, so I began my journey!

My first drawing, the one I attempted of Harry Judd, looks NOTHING LIKE HIM:

But it inspired me nonetheless, and I created two more drawings.

WIP : Captain America

So I didn't complete the Captain America. Or should I say, I haven't. In fact, the Cumberbatch sat around for two months before I finally got around to finishing it. And I am glad I did. Here are the end results:

I used pencils in H, 2B, 4B, 6B and a white gel pen for highlights.

WIP: Benedict Cumberbatch.
This sat around my desk, haunting me for two months.
It was only much later did I realise that his neck was much
too thin, and his eyes were too big. So two months later,
it was like working on a brand new drawing.

I know it looks kind of brown here.. I haven't
mastered photoshopping skills yet. Haha!

Used a Pentel white gel pen to add the highlights in the eyes.

I am going to keep drawing, yes I am!

The Great Blog Clean-up!

Dearest loyal readers (yes, both of you),

You might be surprised to find that almost all of the posts have mysteriously disappeared from my blog, and that it seems to have been taken over by 13 year olds with the colour scheme and all. Then again, you might also have no recollection of this whatsoever, so I have effectively just wasted 2 minutes of your life, and I apologise for that. But I digress.

This year*, I want something different.  Something new. Something positive. Something something.

I have left some old posts up in case you want to reminisce or something. Anyhoos. Prepare for change!

But first, let me take a bath.


*the year starts anytime I want it to.

Peace and love,
S.

May 2014

Hi all,

There is so much work that is waiting for me right now.. Unmarked essays which I find that I have very little motivation to do, setting a mid-year paper that I am really not looking forward to.. And planning lessons for next week.. Three more weeks till the exams, and it's just really crazy. Of course, crazy is relative. It's probably not as crazy as some of your lives.. and I guess I have nothing much to complain about.

Yesterday marked the end of the Dance madness. The concert was a success. I have no regrets, though I really hope that I handled the crowd well enough. I cannot imagine having to face angry guests and having people be mad at you for a long time. Last night's events really affected me emotionally. Never have I had to face people waving tickets in my face and practically shouting in my face (yes, people can be rude.. But I understand how they must feel). But handled it alright nonetheless. Yay me!

Helping the students paint their faces the whole day, talking to some of them, comforting, easing their worries.. All in a day's work. And at the end of the day, I didn't do that much at all! Haha! But it was good.

As I cross over into my late twenties (wow, such a biggie.. I know right), I feel rather ambivalent. Yet, I cannot deny the excitement that I feel for this new chapter.

Recovering (slowly) from an inflamed throat, I am building things from bottom up again. My confidence, my ability. I am trying new things with my art, but I feel maybe it is best not to show people what I am doing. Critics abound, and not everyone has something pleasant to say. I suppose that is part of the process, and while I know I am not doing things to please people, I have not learnt to deal with the sting that comes from someone hating or making harsh comments on my work. Some day, perhaps. My boyfriend has been most supportive of me, and I appreciate it so much.

I did not think I would pass two birthdays without Jaspreet. Ok.. getting teary eyed and choked up right now. I miss her terribly, and I know this will pass. Practical people would say that she is happy and that I should be happy for her and all that... But it doesn't stop me from missing her.

On to happier things. I am going to see Grease tonight!! I remember in secondary school (gosh. It's been ten years) hoping and praying that there would be a Grease musical in Singapore and that I would surely go see it... and now. Wow. Thank you God.

There is a lot more I would like to do and talk about. But that would be for another day.

Late 20s. Here I come. :)

OK I AM REALLY SAD LA. TRUTH. But haiya trying to be positive about it okay.  I worry about lots of things: i.e. I am turning 26.. What have I done with my life? Where will I be? And all other things and worries that a 26 year old might have. Actually I don't know what worries a 26 year old has. It should vary, I think. I want to settle my mind.

I like routine. I like the everydayness of things. I can't wait to fall back into a routine. I like to be the one doing nice things that impress people. I like impressing people. I like order. I like rules. I like people to say "Good job, Sarah". But at the same time, I like to create new things.

It is really the small everydayness that makes me glad. A 20 min sketch. Looking out of the bus window in my journey home. Thinking about Petechang. I am not difficult to impress. Ok, granted I may be difficult to impress in certain areas (i.e. knowledge of cats and cat behavior. The only other persons whom I will admit to are better than me are a) Dr Bruce Fogle and b) Jackson Galaxy. Are you Jackson Galaxy? No? Then STFU. Can a 26 year old say STFU? I guess so.) but for the most part I am very happy with most things. Although my boyfriend may say a different thing, I assure you that he will also say he deeply loves me because I have this.. Gratitude for life.

I know everything will fall into place. I will continue to have love and faith. TWENTY SIX. Here I come. Everything is going to be all right. Hang on.. I meant to say that EVERYTHING WILL BE AWESOME!

And I have used the world 'everydayness' quite a bit. How odd.

Have a blessed day. Will let you know how 26 is for me!

Love,
S.

Lessons learnt

I'm using this blogger app I just downloaded called bloggerzoid because the official Blogger app is really terrible.

It's 4am now and I'm on my third day of "vacation". I have had no choice but to spend my first two days doing work related activities.

I feel like it bas been quite awhile since I've blogged. And erm. I've re-opened my etsy shop!

In other news.. I have found the most wonderful man I could ever have, and he is indeed most wonderful for me. :)

He has also introduced me to this game called Abalone, and though it sounds like the shellfish, it is nothing of that sort. My boyfriend is a brilliant player, and I am picking up so much from him! Ok and yes, I am trying to win.. hahaha.

But if anything, I have learnt this mich after being in a relationship with B the past few months:

1) you can be perfectly happy in a relationship
2) problems are smaller when you solve them together
3) two imperfect people can find perfection in each other (cliche, but it is my blog!!!)
4) sometimes it is much easier for someone else to see our worth because we are so critical of ourselves
5) if you do not support your partner, then it ain't gonna work out
6) love is a truly powerful force

I'm learning to be a better and stronger person every day.

Hope this inspires you to have a great week ahead! :)

Not much of a reflection but it's good enough.

I think about the year gone by, I think about how 2014 is going to be. I think it will all turn out well, because I have love. It sounds silly but I do believe it so much.

I am happy.

I think this will also be the year I let you go, Jaspreet. I miss you; we all do. You are always in my heart, you are always with me. It is wonderful.

Thank you for blessing me. ♡

December is here.

Dear Jaspreet, 
 
Just an update of stuff. This blog has seemed to become a place to collect mush and virtual dust. Hehe. There have been so many things going on in the real world, and with the holidays here, I'm busier than ever being out there enjoying my life.

Life with my nugget is wonderful, and he has set me up for a some fake proposals, all very well done to throw me off guard! Hahaha. But it is all well, because he knows, and I know, that there really isn't anyone else I'd want to be with.

He is my once in a lifetime, and this is something that I would hold on to, and cherish. He brings out the better half of me, and loves even the parts that I hate. He listens when I can't speak, and talks to me when I need to listen. It may be early to say, but I knew, even before this, that he was to be someone I'd have a great affinity with (cheesy as it sounds). 

I wear our rings (yes. I am actually finally doing couply things. You can laugh now. But please don't laugh so loud. Thanks.) because I have never been more sure of anyone. Yes. I did just say that. Don't laugh. Hehe.

This holiday, I baked an ombre cake, I made Earl grey tea cakes, I've gotten the ring that I wanted, I help my dad with the business, I've been showered with love from family and our friends (and of course the above mentioned sweetheart) and really. It has been amazing.

Of course, I miss you a lot, Jaspreet. I really wish you were here to be happy with us, and to share and bask in the happiness of the season.  Of everything,  actually. I was talking to Ching today, and she mentioned that I get sad when I talk about death, though for her, goodbyes are more difficult. It would be very safe to say that we both miss you a lot.

To me, death has been a goodbye to you. It has taken you away, and though sometimes I speak to you in my heart, I'm not sure if you can hear it, you know? It is, perhaps, the mind's way of putting myself to sleep at night; you can hear me, you are listening. But it doesn't feel the same. But it is difficult for me because I can't tell you and be sure you've heard it.  There aren't the two ticks like on whatsapp to tell me that my message has been delivered. It just feels incomplete at times. Yet, at others, there is no doubt the universe has sent the message, and you have received it with thanks.

Sometimes, among the living, we leave things unsaid, thinking that the other party will know and understand. Or maybe we feel that these words and feelings are best concealed in the heart, where whatever love and emotion you feel does not have to be expressed. It becomes a private little show, a private thought, something you hold on to when you feel like you are losing it, or it could even comfort you, knowing that you still have feelings, and that something still beats within you.

Jaspreet, I have tried to be the one to light up their lives. I have tried, but it is too immense a task to take upon myself, and this I see and understand now. I can't be the second in command.  No one expects me to, and I thank them for it.

B has helped (and is still helping) me while the others were finding strength and ways to deal with their pain and loss. I must say, they are amazing people and I love them immensely. We each have our own way, and it is good that we can be with each other as well.

For me, B has taken me out of the darkness, especially the times where I was drowning in so much sadness and pain that I could not control, and that I could not understand. But this is not why I love him.

I love him because he is a man of character, just like what I've always imagined my other half to be. Because he is kind, and he is love. Because he chose love, and because he is a wonderful man. A man. Real man okay. Not fake fake japalang one ok.

I try to spend a bit of every day thinking about you. Why only try? Because some days I don't have to try, that's why. Most days it is of how happy you would be, if you saw how much we all loved you, and how happy we are now. Your father, especially, misses you. Your whole family does. We were over at your place for Diwali this year, and azm broke a glass. Hah. Bet you would have laughed and rolled your eyes. Hehe. We love you, and hope that all is well with you. I'm sure they speak to you in their own way. Me.. I just blog and hope heaven has good wifi, cuz I'm not into burning stuff and all that.

Say hi to my Werwer, Tok and my brother for me, will you?

Till next time!

Love always,
Sarah.

It's killing me thinking about you

So I get out there, buy me a new sketchbook, and I am going to fill it with beautiful things. Or every day things, even.

I have been hearing this a lot the past few days:

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.

To add on to that, it is true, what someone said today. Beauty to you is the values that those people hold. If you value humor, then someone who is funny will be beautiful to you.

This really explains how beauty is in the eye of the beholder doesn't it? Best of all, it's not so literal and I suppose I could say that I now understand what it truly means?

I'm going to look for the beauty in everything.

More than ever, I have to L.O.V.E (or lmve, rather. Live My Values Everyday) and love I will. In every sense of the word. Someone who can love is always beautiful.

I trust that you will have a wonderful day.

She's a virgin. She's a slut.

There is a strange thing that is going on in this world.

This is not a conspiracy theory or soemthing to do with aliens (lest it will be OUT of this world. Heh) But it has to do with a certain double standard- the virgin/whore.

We are either virgins or sluts, aren't we?

It certainly feels like we've been handed a bad hand of cards.

Don't do it, you're pure and innocent, and even virtuous. Do it, and yóu instantly get sluttified. We know that's not true, but in the words of HH, "it is a reflex action", you just can't help thinking about it.

We all don't want to ruin our images of people we have. Face it, we have expectations of people, and perceptions we project onto them, though it may not necessarily be who they really are. Perception is reality, and if these people defy what we think of them, then that's it for them! We suddenly feel things like disgust, anger, disappointment, even.

They are not who we thought they were!

Of course, the whole virgin/ whore dichotomy is an absolute bullshit. Put in place to make us virtuous and you know what. You can be virtuous even if you sleep around... Or not!

It does not define who you are, and it shouldn't. You should never ever have to feel like you are trading something off, or doing something because you are pressured to.

The view I get largely from talking to people is that "no one will know if you don't say". True. But I'm wondering what if they do know? What if I do say? How would they view me? Would they be blasé about it? Or would they be repulsed?

Have sex, or don't! It doesn't matter. It doesn't make you "dirty" if you do, or  "frigid" if you don't.

I know I speak like a situation in which I am offered sex comes ona regular basis, but in reality it doesn't. And that is it. I am saying, be comfortable doing whatever it is you believe in, and don't let our bodies hold us back.

In this highly sexualised world, it's hard to believe if what we see in the movies is right or wrong.

But word of advice: Do it only if you think you should.

And let's all stop labelling other girls virgins/sluts.. Because there are is no such thing. It is all about your own beliefs (unless you sill believe in this, then shame on you!) and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.